Sorry, but this is not my normal blog post. I don’t have any resources to share at the moment. I am however, choosing to share a very real and up until recently, private struggle in my life, where letting the realities and fear of being even more broke prevent me from being happy and thriving. But when there is a will to change (and a super strong support system combined with a hell of a lot of hustle), there is a way.
It’s been almost two years since I’ve been unhappy with my day job. Yeah, a f*cking long time. I’ve been looking for well over a year now trying to hold out for the right job and I just wasn’t finding it. Choosing to work in the nonprofit world is, at the end of the day, just another job and as with any job, I believe you should be compensated well for your talents. But since that is less likely to be the case in this world, passion is usually the other motivating factor. I definitely am not passionate about my job and I was feeling trapped, stagnant, and losing focus and momentum. My systems of support at work (former colleagues and now friends) slowly moved on and it was just me that was left last May. I stopped caring. I became depressed, breaking down into tears at work, on many BART rides home, and many times crying myself to sleep at night. I was a miserable and an unpleasant person to be around and I hated that person I had become, which made me more depressed. Last month, I decided I couldn’t take it anymore. This week, I’ll be giving my two weeks notice and quitting. This decision did not come lightly nor did it happen overnight as some financial preparation was required. I had to discuss this with my husband since it greatly affects us both and even though we are nervous about it, he supported my decision to be happy.
A part of what will be cushioning me for a couple of months is teaching yoga. I love teaching and when I had so many of those bad days and didn’t feel like teaching, I ALWAYS walked away feeling better. But I knew the few classes I had a week wouldn’t make a huge difference. I never ever thought I would create a website about my teaching – it somehow didn’t feel right as a part-time teacher, felt vain for advertising myself, and also felt incredibly vulnerable to put yourself out there and open yourself up to judgement. But I love the practice, am good at teaching, and wanted to use this time to share more of the practice through more classes and hopefully some private sessions. I started to work on the content and on the day I created my email for my site, I went to teach and for the first time, a student came up to me inquiring about private sessions. Really?? This has never happened before and it happened the night I set up my email, which I was able to give out. That was a sign to me that this was the right decision. I went home and quickly finished my website and openly shared it with some friends and family for feedback (not even something I do with this blog) before openly sharing it on social media.
I am fully aware of my blog audience, BUT if you happen to be in a better financial position or know people or companies that would be interested in private yoga in the Bay Area, please check out www.serenangoyoga.com and help a broke girl out.
As for my day job, as soon as I made the decision and put the word out to close colleagues and friends, things started to look up on the opportunity front. Nothing concrete yet but it’s felt a lot more promising and optimistic than it has in a long time. It was also a nice reminder that I have an amazing and incredible network of people and I’m so lucky and grateful to have them in my life.
Why am I sharing this?? When you are broke, you are so much more dependent on your sources of income and you can’t just make changes to your life without any consequences. I couldn’t just quit without some preparation – life realities such as rent and the need to eat don’t just go away. Compromises need to be made. But at the end of the day, how much is your happiness worth? Ever since I made this decision, there have been signs and indicators that what I’m doing is the right decision for me. My overall mood is starting to improve and the fire inside of me is starting to light up again.
I came across this quote on my instagram feed a couple of days ago and it was just one more thing that was telling me that if I follow what I love (in addition to a lot of freaking hard work and dedication, cuz let’s be real, shit rarely falls into your lap), it will hopefully be the right path. And hopefully me sharing is somehow helpful for you. Maybe you are not in a job you hate but you are feeling stuck and uninspired. Are you holding on to something that no longer serves you? Are you letting fear, even if it is a very rational fear, get in the way of you becoming your best self? Okay, I’m starting to get cheesy here but you get the point. You can make change happen. There is almost always a way. So why not now? Sometimes it’s super, super, SUPER scary. But it’s way scarier to never know what could have been.
Cross your fingers for me.